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What is a Crossdresser?
Simply put a Crossdresser is a person who dresses
in the clothes of the opposite sex. There are perhaps several million in
the United States, for it is estimated that they comprise 5% of the adult
male population. Most of them are ordinary men who have discovered a
feminine aspect to their personalities, and desire to transcend the narrow
stereotypes mandated by conventional society. Happy in their masculinity,
they have simply discovered a feminine gender "gift", their softer side,
and decided to explore it.
What Crossdressers Are
Not
Not everyone
who dons the clothing of the opposite sex is a crossdresser. Society tends
to perpetuate stereotypes on the basis of visible behavior patterns. Drag
queens are usually gay or bisexual males who don women's clothes either to
mock femininity and society's stereotypes of gays, or to find sex
partners. Female impersonators dress to entertain. Transsexuals believe
they are entrapped in the body of the opposite sex, and seek sexual
reassignment surgery. Crossdressers do not aspire to any of these things,
but are simply expressing the crossgendered side of their
personalities.
Why do people
crossdress?
Many "reasons" are given for cross dressing. Some are
simplistic. Some are superficial. Some are simply wrong. In general, the
most valid reasons seen have to do with the expression of a personal
preference on the part of the crossdresser. Those who crossdress and with
whom we are interested in, are almost all male, and most are married or
have been married. Many have families. These crossdressers dress also for
a variety of reasons. The reasons they give vary with the depth of insight
and understanding held by the individual concerned. Such individuals
feel a natural preference for feminine clothing in the same manner the
typical female feels the need to express her femininity in the choices of
clothing she makes. At the core, then, is the fundamental element of the
who, what, and how the person is by virtue of their nature and the
resulting attraction to things feminine. This is an innate attraction, a
natural reaching out of the inner person to find visible means of self
expression compatible with how, who, and what the person feels of themself
to be inside. It is not generally a sexual thing, or all such individuals
would be same sex attracted. Since a majority of crossdressers are not
same sex attracted, then it is evident the innate attraction to external
symbols of femininity are not sexual in nature, rather they rise from the
most basic centers of who, what, and how the person really is by virtue of
nature.
What Types of People
Crossdress?
Crossdressers come from
all walks of life, races, creeds, and economic backgrounds. The phenomenon
dates back many thousands of years. In some cultures, especially some
Native American tribes, they were highly respected as shamans. Most
crossdressers are well educated and come from conventional family
backgrounds. The vast majority are heterosexual and most are, or have
been, married. Most are happy in their masculinity, and only a small
percentage opt to live as women full time. A few women are crossdressers,
but they are much less numerous than their male counterparts. Perhaps this
is due to the relative latitude society grants to women in matters of
dress and self-expression.
Isn't
crossdressing just a sexual
perversion?
No!
Cross dressing is something quite apart from a sexual activity for most
cross dressers. The motivations lie at an equally deep and natural level
in the person as does sexual attraction, motivation and preference, yet
they are different. These two confusing elements of the total person (sex
and gender) are indeed closely linked in most people. So much akin are
they our language does not even have an appropriate verbal
differentiation. Our language wrongly uses the terms "Gender" and "Sex"
interchangeably. It uses sexual terms which refer to anatomical features
as their basis\ interchangeably with terms which in reality are most
accurately reserved for things which are not sexual in being at all. It
uses "woman" when it means: "female". It uses "man" when it means: "male".
It fails us when it comes to accuracy and this inaccuracy does lead to a
lot of confusion. Nevertheless, cross dressing as practiced by the
heterosexual cross dresser is something quite apart from sex an sexual
expression.
Can Crossdressing Be
"Cured"?
The chief adjustment
problem crossdressers face is societal attitudes. While these have been
changing since crossdressers appeared on the Donahue Show in 1987,
acceptance is far from complete. Because of possible consequences to
families, jobs, and friends, many crossdressers live shrouded in secrecy.
Racked by fear and guilt, some crossdressers deny their feminine side and
dispose of their clothing. Usually they are frustrated by this amputation
of a significant part of their personalities, and eventually return to
feminine self-expression. Some seek therapy, but as many therapists are
not knowledgeable about crossgender issues, they sometimes find themselves
educating the therapist rather than getting the help they seek. Nor are
psychiatric drugs of benefit. There is no "cure" for crossdressing, and
most crossdressers do not want one!
Is my HUSBAND
Gay?
Probably Not, in fact most male crossdressers are
heterosexual and are happy with their sexual orientation. Because your
husband, or significant other, expresses his feminine side by dressing in
womans clothing, does not mean he wants to leave you for another man or
has any desire to become a woman.
Isn't crossdressing just a step to sexual
reassignment surgery?
Again, the answer is a resounding NO. In fact, the
NO cannot be made sufficiently emphatic. Sex Reassignment Surgery
(SRS) or "Sex Change Surgery" as it is sometimes called, is quite another
thing. This is a sexual thing at the very core. Diagnostically , it is a
sexual identity dysphoric condition in which the person from the very
earliest ages, many even before the onset of puberty, is aware of a
feeling most commonly said to be: "trapped in the wrong body". Such people
are diagnosed as "Transsexuals" for their fundamental feeling set has
equally deep roots which are quite apart from clothing and are in essence
directed to their anatomical structures and many times to the sexual
anatomy of those to whom they are attracted sexually. This condition is
recognized as a medical condition which is commonly treated by long term
psychotherapy, long term hormonal therapy and finally by surgical
alteration of the person's external genitalia. This condition is found in
both those born female and those born male.
The Crossdresser and His
Wife?
How a
crossdresser's wife accepts him depends on his own degree of insight, the
duration and solidity of the relationship, and the way in which the wife
or partner learns about the crossdressing. Open and honest
communication is the lifeblood of any committed relationship, and
in the case of the crossdresser, communication is particularly vital. Once
a wife or partner realizes her mate isn't leaving her for another man or
for a new life as a woman, the two of them can seek a solution that suits
their own unique circumstances.
The wise wife or partner realizes
that her mate is the same person she has always known. She recognizes the
risk her man has taken in revealing his innermost feelings, and
appreciates the trust this represents. Many of the traits that attracted
her in the first place: sensitivity, kindness, appreciation of beauty,
etc. - can now be seen as belonging to that "woman
within".
The
Crossdresser and His Children?
A crossdrcsser's children don't appear at any greater risk
of becoming crossdressers themselves. Indeed, children benefit from
exposure to a father who is usually more sensitive, creative and involved
in their lives than the average. The decision to tell the children about
one's crossgender expression is a highly personal one, to be arrived at
jointly by the parents, with the needs of the child
paramount.
Crossdressers are usually torn between the desire to
"protect" their children on the one hand, and the negative effects of
deceit on the other. Telling the children at a time and under
circumstances controlled by the parents, however, does forestall the
children finding out somehow at a time when they are least prepared to
deal with it.
In our experience, timing - when the children are
told - is more important than what they are told. Adolescence, a time of
struggle to establish social and sexual identity, is not the right time
(especially if the children are boys). If boys are not told earlier in
childhood, it is generally best to wait until adulthood. On the other
hand, children who are told in early childhood accept crossgender
expression as "no big deal". Such children are well prepared to deal with
the diversity of modern society.
Do wives
accept this crossdressing behavior?
Some do. Some don't. The issue of spousal
accommodation to cross dressing is as varied as are the couples in whose
lives cross dressing becomes an issue. There are no formulae. Each person
involved has to search self and consider much more than the prejudices and
emotional flaring which commonly accompany disclosure of cross
dressing. Remember spouses grow up subject to the same conditioning
as do the cross dressers for whom this is a major problem. Cross dressing
introduced into a marriage invariably requires rapid growth in terms of
knowledge, self esteem, and security of the relationship, or the
relationship is in dire threat of falling apart. It is a case of "grow or
go" most of the time. "Tell your intended first, then work out the
relationship before you get into a legally binding situation" is our
advice. A good policy to follow is for a cross dresser to share cross
dressing with a lady no later than the third or fourth date. Being
rejected early never has hurt so badly as being rejected later on when a
relationship has begun to mature. Further this gives the lady due respect
and freedom to stay or go away as she chooses and there is no "inducement
under false pretense". It is just the honest and honorable thing to
do.
Is it my fault that my hubsand
wants to dress, is it something that I did or didn't do that
caused his need to dress?
No, this feeling or
need was with your husband long before you ever met. It may have been with
him since birth, and he may have found this desire early in childhood
or has only just discovered his other self. Whether you present
yourself as a frilly, fancy, refined lady, or just the blue jeans
and T-shirt, tomboy, homemaker type, has no bearing on his
desires or style of
dressing.
I am a teen. May I join and
attend Gamma Kappa Gamma events/socials?
Unfortunately, no you may not join if you are under the age of 18.
However, your parents may join and bring you to our
meetings. Our membership does include parents of
crossdressers.
Are the meetings
open to the public?
No, Membership and meetings are
open only to the crossdresser, spouses and invited guest.
Those
interested in attending should" CONTACT US "to
make arrangements.
Do you have to come to the meetings
dressed?
No, you may come however you are comfortable.
Most members do come dressed as this one of the few chances they have to
dress. If you choose to dress we expect you to dress to be the best
"lady" that you can be. No facial hair is allowed when dressed as a lady.
When dressed as a lady you must also act as a lady.
DO YOU HAVE FURTHER
QUESTIONS?
If you or someone you know has further questions not
answered in this set of pages, please feel free to CONTACT US
with the contact page in this site. Your questions will be
given serious consideration and answered as fully as is within the
experience and knowledge the individuals involved.
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